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Previously on 
Dark Side of the Ring...

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Every wrestling fan 
knew Chris Benoit's work.

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With a headbutt to the heart!

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This is my favorite page. The love 
that Chris and Nancy always had.

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Chris was always a great father, 
very much about his family.

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He was my hero, you know. 
I looked up to him.

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I have never seen a closer friendship 
than between Chris and Eddie.

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-Eddie Guerrero has passed away. 
-I thought, "My God, Chris."

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I love you, Eddie.

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He didn't handle it well.
Let me just say that.

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Nancy started getting worried. 
"I'm worried for Chris."

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I just had this bad feeling.

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More now on a developing story 
in Fayette County.

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The deaths of a wrestler 
and his family.

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In the wake of Chris Benoit's death, 
the world is searching for answers.

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What comes to light goes beyond 
anything anyone could imagine.

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People couldn't believe it, 
couldn't fathom that it was possible.

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It can't be real. 
Like, where's my nephew?

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The person that I knew
would not do this horrific thing.

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I think this is gonna be gigantic. 
It will affect WWE.

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Question is, 
was he on steroids at this time?

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Did the blows to the head 
Benoit received in the ring

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fundamentally change his brain?

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It really, really was 
the darkest time in my life.

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Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE
www.osdb.link/lm

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The county is a laid-back community.

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A family atmosphere.

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Not a whole lot of crime. 
It's pretty peaceful.

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My name is Larry Alden.

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I was with the Sheriff's office.

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I was the lieutenant in charge

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on the day of the Benoit incident.

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I'd been a detective 
for 15 or 20 years.

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I'd probably seen Chris 
once or twice a week at the gym,

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which was in the middle 
of Fayetteville.

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He didn't talk a lot. 
He was focused on his workout.

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I never heard about him.

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I didn't even know where he lived 
until the call came on the radio.

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I run the security 
for World Wrestling

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and one of our wrestlers is missing.

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-And what's his name? 
-Chris Benoit.

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Okay. And he's a wrestler?

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Yes, he's a religious gentleman

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and yesterday, 
he had a Pay Per View

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and he never showed up.

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It's out of character for him.

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All right. We'll send somebody 
out there to check on him.

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If you want to call us back 
in 45 minutes.

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If he's there, 
we'll tell him to give you a call.

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I was in my patrol car, 
riding around the county

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and was pretty close to the area 
when the call went out.

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I figured it was a welfare check. 
Maybe he was sick, maybe drunk.

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Didn't really know what.

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I pulled up on scene 
when the neighbor was walking over,

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and I walked up and asked 
if she had seen Mr. Benoit.

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"It's been three or four days 
since I've seen anybody there."

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There was two large canines 
in the yard.

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I believe 
they were German Shepherds.

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We asked if she could move the dogs 
elsewhere

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so we could go up there 
and do the welfare check.

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"Me and the dogs get along great.

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I feed them 
whenever they're out of town."

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And she jumped the fence. 
The dog's right there with her.

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She walked them in there, 
never holding them.

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It was taking a little longer 
than I thought it should take

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but then she ran out the door, 
screaming that, "Daniel's dead."

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From "just a regular welfare check" 
to "we got something more serious."

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We crossed the fence at that time, 
myself and Deputy Mundy.

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And we went in through the side door, 
which she had left open.

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We drew our weapons, 
not knowing what we'd come upon.

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It was daylight, plenty of windows, 
a lot of light coming in.

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There was an odor in the house.

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I looked over at Deputy Mundy. 
I said, "Something's dead in here."

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A stairway went up to a bedroom, 
so we went up those steps

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and that's where the juvenile child 
was at, lying in bed.

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I noticed the child 
was laying on the bed, face down.

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Mundy said, "Do we start CPR?" 
And I said, "No." He'd passed away.

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We started clearing all the rooms 
and doors.

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We found another room, 
where we found Miss Benoit at.

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She was laying on the floor, 
wrapped up in a blanket

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or maybe a rug 
or something like that.

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Went downstairs to the basement.

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A couple of large, open rooms.

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And the last door we opened 
was the gym door.

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And that's where Mr. Benoit was at.

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Because of the mirrors and the angle 
Deputy Mundy was at, to my right,

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she saw the reflection 
at the far end of the room,

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which might have been 10 feet away 
from where he actually was.

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And she said, "Show me your hands. 
Fayette County Sheriff's Department."

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She could not see he had cable from 
a weight machine around his neck

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and had some weights on it.

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So I told her, 
"He's right here. He's passed away."

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Radio had called us, 
asked if everything was okay.

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And I told them it looked like 
it might be a homicide and suicide.

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It was within three minutes 
of us walking back outside

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that somebody
had strung crime scene tape

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across the front of the property.

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I remember I was driving home. 
My son was with me.

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And I got a call from a WWE writer.

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He said, "Are you sitting down?"

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I'm like, "What's going on?" 
He said, "Chris is dead."

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I said, "What? Chris who?" 
And he says, "Chris Benoit."

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And I pulled over 
and I just started bawling.

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My son said, "Daddy, you cry funny." 
I was just crying, just bawling.

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At this time, 
no one knew what happened.

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So WWE is just thinking

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that Chris Benoit has passed away, 
along with Nancy and Daniel.

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They're not thinking, 
was it a break in?

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Was it carbon monoxide? 
What's going on?

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You just know two friends are gone. 
And no one has answers.

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Vince McMahon, the chairman,

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had to do something.

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So we did 
what we thought was right.

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Tonight, this arena here

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was to have been 
filled to capacity...

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...with enthusiastic WWE fans.

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We tried to honor the guy, 
his family, his fans,

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but we didn't have a full story.
Shame on us for that, I guess.

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Tonight will be 
a three-hour tribute...

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...to one of the greatest...

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WWE superstars of all time.

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We just know Chris Benoit is gone, 
as is his family.

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Of course, I'm gonna pay tribute 
to my friend.

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I would trust you, with me, 
with my life, with my kids' lives

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'cause I know you, Chris, 
I know your heart.

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They asked if I wanted to be on it. 
"Absolutely not."

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I remember just sitting there, 
dead with a bottle of vodka,

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just drinking, like, you know. 
Eddie's was bad but this was worse.

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Chris was not just a great wrestler,

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but one of my best friends 
in this business.

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We did not know all the information. 
That's our fault.

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We tried to serve the audience. 
It was a major story.

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It was hitting all the news sources, 
and we had a TV show.

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We wanted to update people, 
but didn't have all the information.

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But we didn't know we didn't.

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The authorities said, 
"This happened."

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"Oh, guess what, we were wrong. 
This is not what happened."

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Chris was a guy 
you'd wanna go to war with.

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It was hard, because at that time, 
some guys were,

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in their speeches, praising Chris.

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-Because Chris Benoit was my hero. 
-I love you, Chris.

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When I watched the Raw Tribute, 
everybody was talking about Benoit

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and how great of a performer he was 
and how amazing he was,

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but I thought Regal's words 
were very revealing.

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Now, all I'm willing to say is that

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Chris Benoit was undoubtedly...

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the hardest-working man 
in professional wrestling.

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Afterwards, you found out 
he lived in the same city as Chris

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and knew a lot 
about the fights Nancy and him had

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or what Chris was going through.

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I'm not sure who'd have noticed, 
but knowing what I knew about him,

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I started thinking, 
"Wow, this is not good."

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My sister told me to spoil myself, 
go to the mall, get some makeup

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and have some wine with lunch 
and go watch a movie.

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I came out of the theater, 
22 missed calls from my parents.

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And my parents 
wouldn't tell me anything.

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They wanted me in my driveway 
and inside before they told me.

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That's how I found out.

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And then, when it finally sunk in, 
I just lost control of myself.

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It was very difficult. I had to go 
to the hospital and be sedated.

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I was in Edmonton 
and then this number kept calling.

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My mum's cell, unknown number, 
unknown number, unknown number.

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And then, she finally answered it
and it was the police, RCMP.

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So we left, 
rolled down to the station.

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She found out first. 
I see her crying there.

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She couldn't spit it out, so...

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The cop told me they all passed away 
over the weekend.

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I punched him in the chest.

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And then me and the cop 
went for a walk. We talked.

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And that, you know, 
"Your dad loved you.

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They all loved you,"

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and I thought it was a joke, 
I really did.

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Daddy.

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It wasn't until after the show 
that the details started coming in.

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More on a developing story 
in Fayette County,

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the deaths of a wrestler's family.

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Authorities say

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the bodies were found 
this afternoon in their home.

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It's being investigated 
as a murder-suicide,

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but without crime lab reports, 
exactly what happened is unclear.

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That's when all these details came. 
It's not just him that's dead,

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it's Nancy and then Daniel as well.

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That's when it went out of control.

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The father killed his wife and son 
and then committed suicide.

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You didn't want to believe it. 
Can't be true. But it was.

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The evidence indicates that 
it was a brutal and vicious murder.

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It was something that showed 
some sign of real rage.

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I'm Matthew Randazzo V, 
author of  Ring of Hell,

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the story of Chris Benoit 
and pro wrestling's fall.

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That week, that Friday, 
Chris had a barbecue with Daniel.

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That Friday evening, 
Chris and Nancy argued.

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Chris restrained Nancy with duct tape

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and utilized a telephone cord 
to strangle her.

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Then placed a Bible 
next to her body.

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The beer cans and wine bottles 
indicate he may have been drinking.

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Next morning, on Saturday, Chris, 
we assume gave his son Xanax

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and then murdered him in his room, 
being suffocated by his father.

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A Bible was then placed 
next to Daniel, as well.

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Chris made a phone call

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and told his friends Daniel and Nancy 
both had a bad stomach virus

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and that he had to take them 
to the hospital.

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That night, Chris went to bed

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with the bodies of his wife and child 
in the house.

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On Sunday, his Internet searches 
are chilling in retrospect.

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One, for a Bible story 
about the prophet Elijah

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and the resurrection of a dead boy.

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Then, the quickest and most painless 
way of breaking one's own neck.

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Chris then went to his home gym 
with a half-drunken bottle of wine.

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He went to his lat machine. 
He took the bar off.

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Put a towel around his neck

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and he took the metal cord 
and put it around his neck.

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He set the weights to 240 pounds. 
And then he released it.

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So it's a very bizarre scenario. 
It's a very bizarre weekend.

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And it doesn't leave many answers.

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He was just a guy. My friend.

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Nobody expects their friend 
to kill their family. Like, what?

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When I found out 
what had really happened,

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the shock is... you can't believe it.

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He had put his knee in her back 
and essentially broke her back.

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I couldn't fathom how cruel,

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and how much pain 
she went through

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and how horrific
that must have been for her.

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It was just unfathomable.

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If Chris did give Daniel that,

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you know, medication or pills

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and suffocate him, you know, 
shame on him.

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Daniel was innocent in all this.

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We heard other things about...

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the circumstances of him 
putting the Bibles by their sides

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and having a knife

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that he planted under Daniel's bed 
or something like that.

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Still couldn't wrap my head 
around it.

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It sounded like a bad horror movie.

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00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,320
And now I'm a part of...

235
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:51,920
humanizing a murderer? Strange.

236
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,960
I mean, to think that Nancy 
was dead for two days

237
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,280
before Chris took his life.

238
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:03,560
How is that even logical 
for this man who loved her so much?

239
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,520
Later, it turned out that 
there was a Bible in the house

240
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,440
similar to the ones left 
by Nancy and Daniel's body

241
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,680
that Chris had left something 
akin to a suicide note.

242
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,680
Something along the lines of, 
"I'm preparing to leave this Earth."

243
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,480
So Chris did leave a suicide note. 
He did know what he was doing.

244
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,760
He was lucid enough to understand 
what was happening

245
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:28,040
and to consider taking a flight 
to wrestle that night

246
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,720
on international television.

247
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,240
Good evening.

248
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:36,000
We came up on air, and Vince talking 
and explaining what happened.

249
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:40,200
Last night, the WWE presented 
a special tribute show,

250
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,280
recognizing 
the career of Chris Benoit.

251
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,840
However, now, some 26 hours later,

252
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:49,880
the facts of this horrific tragedy 
are now apparent.

253
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,760
Therefore, other than now,

254
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,720
there will be no mention 
of Mr. Benoit tonight.

255
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,800
It was understood 
that we were not to speak of Chris,

256
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,640
speak of anyone of that incident.

257
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,560
And by that next week,

258
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:07,800
Chris' name was erased 
from everything involved with WWE.

259
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:12,240
I mean, when we did interviews, 
we were not to mention Chris Benoit.

260
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,680
So that was really hard for us to do

261
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:19,160
but because we all wanted our jobs, 
it was understood.

262
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:22,800
I know WWE has kinda 
erased his history in the business,

263
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,920
and I understand 
and totally agree with what they did.

264
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,160
We're not gonna praise a guy
who murdered his wife or son.

265
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,160
Don't give him 
any accolades for that.

266
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:34,800
I went to Nancy and Daniel's funeral.

267
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,520
You can't believe how sad it was.

268
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,960
I was the WWE representative, 
just me. It was the shits.

269
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,720
People crying 
and a kid being buried

270
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,080
and a woman being buried 
for no reason.

271
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,720
No reason to die.

272
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:53,200
The WWE sent JR, 
and I lost my cool with him

273
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,560
and told him to his face 
that he wasn't welcome at the wake.

274
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:02,320
It was all a work, 
just fake garbage, nonsense.

275
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:08,680
I can see a work coming a mile away 
and that's what I saw.

276
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,480
I was the most unwanted person 
in the building

277
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:16,400
because I was a WWE guy 
and loved him as much as anybody.

278
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,680
Everybody was just a mess.

279
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,600
It's shitty and it's sad 
and it's unfair

280
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,640
because two people 
could still be with us today.

281
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,720
And if Chris wanted to take his life 
then so be it.

282
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:33,320
But to take all of them... 
I didn't go to Chris' funeral.

283
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:38,400
I was angry at that point. 
Angry at Chris, for what he did.

284
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,640
His funeral was very private. 
We didn't tell anyone.

285
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:46,800
That's when it all hit me at once. 
I was crying my eyes out.

286
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,840
Who in the wrestling business 
took care of your family

287
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,080
in the aftermath of this?

288
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:56,400
Is that a serious question? 
Not a single person. No one.

289
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,640
Did anyone from the WWE reach out 
to you and your family?

290
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:06,800
Chris Jericho and Chavo Guerrero. 
That's it. Nobody else. Screw them.

291
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,880
They weren't there for me, you know,

292
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:14,320
they backed off 
like I didn't even exist.

293
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,520
It was so hard, after the funeral,

294
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:23,360
'cause the media 
was just nonstop, 24/7.

295
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,280
Tonight, the strange 
and very sad case of Chris Benoit.

296
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,000
I didn't even watch the news. 
I didn't watch TV for months.

297
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,200
I couldn't even watch wrestling.

298
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,680
The police tell us

299
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:39,240
instruments of death were found, 
not instruments of murder.

300
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,160
There'll be an autopsy report,

301
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,240
but there's a lot of confusion 
about how this happened.

302
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,760
It really was the darkest time 
in my life.

303
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,760
Benoit had 
an intense onstage persona.

304
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,600
He was the Rabid Wolverine, 
the Canadian Crippler.

305
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,080
The couple met when 
her former husband drew up a script

306
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,120
that put them in a relationship.

307
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,120
It made everything difficult.

308
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,160
It made everything 
under a magnifying glass

309
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:09,040
'cause  CNN  and  Fox  and everyone 
were at the gates.

310
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,640
A double murder-suicide 
with a 7-year-old kid is news.

311
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,240
But there's a point where you need 
to let the family grieve.

312
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,680
All I really wanted to do 
was to be with my niece and nephew.

313
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:25,520
The media's reaction was typical 
because, A, they love a tragedy.

314
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:29,760
And they love to blame wrestling. 
They had a field day.

315
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:34,720
Professional wrestlers are 20 times 
more likely to die before age 45

316
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,280
than professional football players.

317
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,880
A lot of the media 
looks down at wrestling.

318
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,080
Now it was public enemy 
number one.

319
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:46,280
Chris Benoit's diary is revealing 
new info on his state of mind.

320
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,960
The wrestler wrote letters 
to his best friend.

321
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:51,920
At one point, Benoit wrote, 
"I'll be with you soon."

322
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:56,360
Mike Benoit believes 
it's the diary of his son going mad.

323
00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:00,440
We just didn't understand 
this was going on in Chris' life.

324
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:07,360
I got a call from Chris' dad. 
He knew my relationship with Chris.

325
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,560
The first thing he asked was, "Why?"

326
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:13,360
From a father's standpoint, 
I can understand how upset he was.

327
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,640
Unfortunately, 
I didn't have any answers for him.

328
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,080
People need to understand that, 
that was not him.

329
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:23,760
Not the person we knew, 
the person I loved, my hero.

330
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,280
The term being thrown around
is "roid rage".

331
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,480
Some say steroid abuse is rampant 
at the organization

332
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,000
and everyone just turns a blind eye.

333
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,640
The media's initial response 
was that this was roid rage.

334
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,280
Where do steroids stand 
in the bizarre Benoit deaths?

335
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,560
Wrestling, when Chris started,

336
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,880
was discriminatory against people 
who were not six-foot-plus tall,

337
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:49,280
who were not 250 pounds or more 
and very, very muscular.

338
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:53,520
I understand Benoit used steroids 
from when he was in high school.

339
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:57,800
In the months before the murders,
Chris received texts from Nancy

340
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,520
in which she made it very clear 
she was tired of his steroid abuse.

341
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,200
Nancy directly accused him 
of abusing steroids

342
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:05,880
to the point that he became

343
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,680
an angry 
and violent and unhappy husband.

344
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,520
She said the WWE's 
drug enforcement policy

345
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,480
and testing regime was nonsense:

346
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:19,240
a Wellness Program 
which allegedly tested every wrestler

347
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:23,800
to make sure they weren't using 
drugs or steroids.

348
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,640
At that time, instituting 
a wellness program like that,

349
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,200
everybody was happy

350
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:31,880
that some of these guys 
were gonna get help.

351
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:37,720
Anything to help talent, 
save guys from themselves.

352
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:44,200
After Eddie died, the WWE's testing 
was super strict. Through the roof.

353
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:49,240
You couldn't even take an aspirin, 
like, a high-powered aspirin,

354
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,200
unless you had a prescription, 
and I'm not kidding.

355
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:56,520
It's so strict. "Rampant 
steroid use?" Dude, you can't.

356
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,880
You can't go snort cocaine 
or smoke weed or anything.

357
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,720
In practice, it was seen that
this initial version of the program

358
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,080
had large loopholes in it, 
and large blind spots

359
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:13,520
that allowed wrestlers to continue 
to use drugs at a really large scale

360
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,520
without tripping the tests.

361
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,880
Speculation is running wild. 
Did steroids play a role,

362
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,960
or is there another explanation?

363
00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:24,160
With us is WWE Chairman 
Vince McMahon.

364
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,080
WWE did everything they could 
to combat any coverage

365
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:31,040
that indicated that drug abuse 
was the cause of the homicides.

366
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,880
This is not an act of rage.

367
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,960
It's an act of deliberation 
that took three days.

368
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:40,400
It's not rage, be it steroid 
or roid rage, whatever it's called.

369
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,560
It's all speculation until 
the toxicology reports come back.

370
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:57,080
In his autopsy, Chris Benoit had 
enormous amounts of testosterone,

371
00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,960
and testosterone is still a steroid 
that's banned in all major sports.

372
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:04,600
It leads to increased muscle growth. 
Some folks have said

373
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,560
he had 10 times the normal amount 
in his body.

374
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,360
Did Benoit pass the check 
leading up to the murders?

375
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:15,000
Yes, preposterously, Chris Benoit 
passed the wellness checks,

376
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:19,080
despite the irrefutable fact that he 
took enormous amounts of steroids.

377
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,080
Well, after it initially happened, 
I actually had nightmares.

378
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:29,600
It was very traumatic. As a female, 
I tend to really get angry with him,

379
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,720
the man she thought 
would protect her

380
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,320
is the one that took her life.

381
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,000
There was a lot of stuff going on 
that no one knew about.

382
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,200
A lot of volatile fights.

383
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:44,000
I'd always heard about Nancy, 
she didn't take shit.

384
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,880
So I just know 
there was a lot of volatility there.

385
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,720
That's the word I think was used, 
"volatile".

386
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,840
Sometimes Nancy would call me 
and say she and Chris were fighting.

387
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,040
There was an incident in Tampa,

388
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,440
and Chris was upset. 
They were driving to our house

389
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,360
and Chris went and busted 
the windshield of their car.

390
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:08,360
Did you ever witness any abuse 
going on in that relationship?

391
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:10,400
My sister called me to the house

392
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,360
and she called Mike Durham, 
known as Johnny Grunge,

393
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:17,760
who was also a professional wrestler 
that lived in the area.

394
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:22,320
Mike said, "I'll go wrangle Chris. 
Don't do anything rash."

395
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:27,840
But it was already kind of done. 
He hurt her.

396
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:32,440
I don't know if it was intentional 
or accidental, but he hurt her.

397
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,880
Out of respect for the kids 
he still has,

398
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,960
I won't go further into that.

399
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,600
She got a restraining order 
against him,

400
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,000
and I went down 
and stayed at the house.

401
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,920
Mike had him at a hotel there, 
in the area.

402
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:50,600
Chris contacted me directly,
because Nancy wasn't answering,

403
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:54,800
and asked me 
to talk to my sister on his behalf.

404
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,240
And please, please, please,

405
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,760
let him come 
talk to her personally.

406
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,400
She called him, 
and he came over the next day

407
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:06,440
and they were back together 
a couple of days later.

408
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:10,560
Do I look back on that and say, 
you shouldn't have gotten involved

409
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,680
and why did I take his call, 
'cause that could have ended it?

410
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,480
Almost every day, I think about that.

411
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,360
When police found steroids 
on the scene,

412
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,600
many assumed that explained it.

413
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,040
The killer flipped out 
because of drugs.

414
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,680
Or might there be 
another explanation?

415
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,960
The initial media coverage 
all focused on steroid use.

416
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:34,560
I said, there's no way.

417
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,560
I'm Chris Nowinski, 
former WWE superstar,

418
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:39,760
and now I am a neuroscientist

419
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,440
and run 
the Concussion Legacy Foundation.

420
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,640
My wrestling career came to an end

421
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,080
because I had 
a series of concussions

422
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,360
that I didn't quite appreciate 
were concussions.

423
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,600
I never stopped performing
until the damage was too much.

424
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,640
So I decided 
I would start digging into

425
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,800
what else was known, 
and it became a book.

426
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,400
Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, 
or CTE,

427
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,280
is a progressive, 
degenerative brain disease

428
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,520
that appears to be started 
by hits to the head.

429
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,480
Oh, my God!

430
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:19,440
Oh, man! 
Anything goes. My God.

431
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,880
What I knew about CTE at that time 
was there were four NFL cases.

432
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:28,440
Two had died by suicide, 
and one had started hearing voices

433
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,720
and led the police on a chase
through upstate New York

434
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,600
and died in a fiery crash 
on the wrong side of the highway.

435
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,840
When I heard about what happened,

436
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:43,200
I remembered a conversation 
with him, maybe six months prior.

437
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:46,600
He had sat next to me 
in the locker room.

438
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,480
"I heard you're writing 
a book about concussions."

439
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,440
He goes, "I'm interested 
in what you're learning.

440
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,200
How many concussions had you had 
before you had to retire?"

441
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:59,840
And I said, "Well, at least six, 
but I probably had more.

442
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,520
How many have you had?"

443
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,480
And he said, 
"I've had more than I can count.

444
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:08,680
I'll give you my number. 
I want you to call me next week."

445
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:12,280
Next week, I called him. 
It sounded like he was mid-argument.

446
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,200
He was clearly agitated. 
Someone else was there.

447
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:19,080
"I can't talk. Can I call you back?" 
And I said, "Sure."

448
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,560
I wonder if the reason 
he was asking me to call him

449
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,520
was that he knew 
that something was going on,

450
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,640
but he didn't appreciate 
what it was.

451
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:32,600
And so I decided I needed to know 
if Chris had CTE.

452
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,880
With the media storm, 
I couldn't imagine

453
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:40,000
his family answering the phone. 
But I said, "I'll give it a try."

454
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,520
Chris's father answered 
on the second ring.

455
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,400
He was in a state of mind, 
you can imagine,

456
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:49,000
when you've just lost your son 
and learned what happened.

457
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:50,800
I told him my theory. And...

458
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,400
he immediately said, 
"I want to see this done."

459
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,560
We have the brain in early July,

460
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:01,040
and I think, within about a month, 
we knew it was positive for CTE

461
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,040
and it was 
a pretty severe case of CTE.

462
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,080
We held a press conference.

463
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,480
When you look at his brain, 
it is, in fact, shocking.

464
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,160
Our findings showed extensive areas

465
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,840
of tau protein deposition 
throughout his brain.

466
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,240
Tau protein 
is a marker for brain damage.

467
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,040
With Chris, he actually had a...

468
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:26,080
a severe case of CTE at 40 years old, 
which is early to have it.

469
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:30,520
It wouldn't just be areas 
of his cortex or his brain stem,

470
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,360
but damage in areas 
that you would think

471
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,160
could influence emotional behaviors.

472
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:38,800
I believe
the degeneration of his brain

473
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,960
changed what he was capable of.

474
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,720
If you get hit in the head 
thousands of times,

475
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,000
your brain, essentially, can rot.

476
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:47,760
You get this damage

477
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:51,160
that continues to spread 
even once you stop getting hit,

478
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:56,320
and changes who you are, 
how you behave, what you become.

479
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,880
I think about 
when me and Chris would be talking,

480
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:07,600
and he would just be crying so much, 
I wondered why he couldn't stop.

481
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,960
Does that go with the concussions? 
With his brain?

482
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:15,000
You know, Eddie and Chris
took a lot of chair shots.

483
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,400
These chair shots 
from years ago

484
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,680
were hard and they were mean.

485
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,400
In the '90s, 
we took chair shots to the head.

486
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,200
That was a badge of honor.

487
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:32,680
Meaning, someone would swing 
a steel chair at your head...

488
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:36,520
Chris Jericho's helpless!

489
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,640
And I literally remember, 
you'd grit your teeth and...

490
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:44,680
you'd tense yourself 
and tense your neck...

491
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,760
and just take it.

492
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,960
They hit you on the head with it, 
and you just take it, "Ah."

493
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:54,560
That was what you did. 
That was expected.

494
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:58,480
If you had a concussion in wrestling, 
you just shake it off.

495
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:02,960
Shake it off, go in there and do it. 
All of us did it.

496
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:06,080
I wrestled for 20-plus years.

497
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:11,160
It makes me wonder, 
how much CTE do I have?

498
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:15,920
How much do other wrestlers have? 
'Cause we all got it, to some extent.

499
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,720
Is this gonna be my end?

500
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,760
The incredible thing is, Harley Race 
invents the Flying Headbutt

501
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:27,000
and tells everyone, "Don't do this. 
It fucks your spine up horribly.

502
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,200
It ruins your old age."

503
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,960
Dynamite Kid hears that, does it 
anyway, ends up in a wheelchair.

504
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,680
Dynamite Kid tells Chris.

505
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,880
Chris does it his whole career 
and then loses his mind.

506
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:39,400
Oh, man.

507
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,720
There is a clear history 
of people repeating

508
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:47,560
the most self-destructive story 
imaginable, over and over again.

509
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:52,320
I think the Benoit tragedy 
led to some institutional changes.

510
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,600
The awareness of what CTE is

511
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:58,560
was never even a conversation point. 
Now it is.

512
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,280
And finally, unprotected chair shots

513
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,320
and subsequent concussions
are now being addressed.

514
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,600
The one thing we've gotta do 
is protect the athletes.

515
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,320
When you look 
at what Chris Benoit did

516
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,880
as a symptom of a medical problem,

517
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:17,200
whether drug use or brain damage, 
I think that misses the point.

518
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:21,000
Ultimately, the core reason 
this happened is:

519
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,680
Chris made a decision 
when he was very young

520
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,680
to do absolutely whatever it took

521
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:30,120
to succeed at his childhood dream 
of becoming a pro wrestling star.

522
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:34,320
Whatever happened that weekend,
his story would've had a tragic end.

523
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,720
I think 
his fate was sealed when Eddie died,

524
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:40,400
whether he knew it or not.

525
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,600
I doubt anyone could help 
after that.

526
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,920
Not his kids, not his family, 
not his other friends.

527
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,640
I just think that was the one guy 
that he said,

528
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:50,960
"I can't do it 
if Eddie's not with me."

529
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,200
Whatever it was 
he was going through, you know,

530
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:58,320
I think he just continued 
to shrink his whole world

531
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:02,120
until all that was left 
was just whatever was in his head

532
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,120
that caused him to snap,
and he fucking snapped.

533
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,480
It's not one thing.

534
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:11,240
I think that 
it's a factor of alcohol and drugs

535
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:15,480
and yes, possibly CTE 
and stress and grief.

536
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,000
And all of those things 
rolled together

537
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,200
put him on a path that weekend 
that he couldn't get off.

538
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,400
Chris was always gonna be my friend 
and my brother.

539
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:29,000
I just know something was going on 
with him that wasn't him.

540
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,280
It's something 
I'm still torn with,

541
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:35,240
because you love Chris, 
you just hate what he did.

542
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:40,720
What he did is unthinkable.
Unforgivable.

543
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,640
But it's still hard for me 
to separate my friendship with him.

544
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,840
Matches that I had with him. 
Moments, times, car rides.

545
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,040
I can always look at Chris 
as one of the best performers

546
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:55,160
our business has ever seen, 
and just kinda leave it at that.

547
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,760
I get asked, "Should he be 
in the Hall of Fame?"

548
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,520
And I say, "Absolutely not. No."

549
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,000
If Chris were here 
and we could talk to him,

550
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,000
he'd say, "Putting me in there

551
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,640
will be a distraction 
from the whole event.

552
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:15,920
All it's gonna do is bring up Nancy, 
the kids and their last 24 hours."

553
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:21,680
So I say, he does not belong 
in the Hall of Fame, now or ever.

554
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,920
If two guys that were the same 
basically their whole life,

555
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:30,800
and had the same reputation of just 
being immaculate professionals,

556
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,440
the nicest guys, 
and they both die very young

557
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,120
and one's legacy is acclaimed,

558
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,960
and one's is buried so that 
you almost can't say his name.

559
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,400
If you would have told Chris, 
"You know, when you die,

560
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:51,600
your name and your body of work 
will be erased from existence,"

561
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:55,240
it would have broke his heart. 
He told me once,

562
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,040
"The critics are the critics

563
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:01,320
but if your peers respect you, 
nothing else matters."

564
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,320
So to find out 
that he would have lost the respect,

565
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,320
not only of his peers 
but his friends, his family,

566
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,760
I don't think he ever wanted that.

567
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,600
It almost ended the business.

568
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:18,240
What Chris did almost destroyed 
the only thing that he ever loved,

569
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,160
from a professional standpoint.

570
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:25,040
The only thing he ever loved, 
Chris Benoit almost destroyed it.

571
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,600
That would've torn him apart as well.

572
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:31,320
So it leads us around to, 
why did he do it?

573
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:35,960
I don't think anyone will ever 
be able to answer that question.

574
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:42,080
People look at me different now, 
because of what he did.

575
00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:47,000
People talking shit behind my back. 
Getting bullied.

576
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,080
Screw it.

577
00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:53,040
I'm defending my family 
and what I believe in, you know.

578
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:57,200
He loved them. 
That definitely was not him.

579
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:02,560
He's still my hero.
I think about him all the time.

580
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,040
I want them to recognize Nancy, 
though.

581
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:12,160
She deserves the recognition 
that she doesn't get.

582
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,120
That's the unfortunate part.

583
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,760
She needs to be remembered for... 
a strong woman,

584
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:22,120
pioneering in this business, 
and her talent.

585
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:26,920
And focus on that, 
instead of what happened to her.

586
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,520
She's a Hall of Fame'r 
all across the board.

587
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,320
She was a pioneer,

588
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,560
and one of the best 
at a role that no longer exists.

589
00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:39,320
As a pro wrestling manager,
she created and perfected the role.

590
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,520
And when she stopped doing it, 
the role disappeared.

591
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:47,400
I would like nothing better 
than to see Nancy, Nancy Benoit.

592
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,040
Once again, 
you can't even say that name.

593
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,520
Woman. I would like nothing better 
than to see Woman

594
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,880
be put into the WWE Hall of Fame.

595
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:00,360
She was a great mom. 
She was a beautiful friend.

596
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:03,160
And Nancy will always...

597
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:07,080
be the superstar 
she was meant to be, in my mind.

598
00:36:07,240 --> 00:36:10,960
Can I blow a kiss? You bet.

599
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,760
What do you remember the most 
about Nancy?

600
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:22,360
I remember everything about her. 
I remember how her hair smells.

601
00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:29,680
She used to tuck me in 
with both hands, real hard,

602
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:33,240
like, on both sides of the blanket, 
to tuck me in.

603
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,760
Like she was putting a lock on me 
to keep me safe.

604
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,000
To this day, when I get sad or upset 
or stressed out,

605
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:45,480
I will tuck myself in on the sides 
so that I feel more secure.

606
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,960
-What do you remember of Daniel? 
-Everything.

607
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,920
I close my eyes 
and I can see him doing everything.

608
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,000
He was our whole lives, all of us.

609
00:36:56,160 --> 00:37:01,640
He was very, very, very, very loved 
by our family, by his siblings.

610
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:05,760
He and his brother 
were just thick as thieves.

611
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:09,840
Did you have any relationship 
with the Benoit family afterward?

612
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:14,880
I tried. Unsuccessfully.

613
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,440
I was told, 
I won't say by who,

614
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,200
that the children 
wanted nothing to do with us.

615
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:27,440
Apparently, the children were told 
we wanted nothing to do with them

616
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:32,560
'cause of what their dad did, 
which was absolutely not the truth.

617
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:40,840
My last trip with my family was
for WrestleMania XXIII in Detroit.

618
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,640
After the match, 
we flew back to Atlanta.

619
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:47,240
Me, Nancy and Daniel.

620
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,360
My dad went to Mexico for a tour.

621
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:54,640
And then me, Nancy and Daniel 
were just hanging around the house,

622
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:59,000
taking pictures, y'know, 
out by the trees with the dogs.

623
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:03,360
And then, you know...

624
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:16,520
You're doing good, brother. 
It's all good. Just let it out.

625
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,840
That's what this is all about, 
brother. I'm sure.

626
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:28,600
David is absolutely a victim. 
A great kid, dealt a bad hand.

627
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,240
It's not right.
He didn't do anything wrong.

628
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,280
He's an innocent bystander 
in all of this.

629
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:37,880
You all right?

630
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:45,720
Okay.

631
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:53,880
-Too real. Too real. 
-It's good for us. It's good for us.

632
00:38:58,720 --> 00:39:01,440
I felt that, 
because Chris killed his family,

633
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,280
that the family he left behind

634
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,920
was automatically 
blackballed from the world.

635
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:10,080
Like, they're gonna be blamed 
for what Chris did.

636
00:39:10,240 --> 00:39:12,440
To me, 
those two needed to reconnect.

637
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:14,960
Talking with David, meeting Sandra,

638
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:19,600
knowing she had the same issues 
and pain and hurt that David had,

639
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,000
and nobody will ever understand...

640
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,760
what they went through, 
besides each other.

641
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,280
I thought if I could connect them, 
give them a chance to talk,

642
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:33,880
they could move on and realize 
they have family in each other.

643
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,680
Chris Jericho, 
wrestling angel come to life,

644
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:40,320
he gave my number to my nephew 
and my nephew's number to me.

645
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,120
We hadn't talked 
since before everything.

646
00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:47,760
So, 13 years ago, 
the last time we saw each other.

647
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:53,160
It's been a very long time. 
She finally called me. I answered.

648
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,640
We talked on the phone 
for probably a good two hours.

649
00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:03,320
And now, going to watch wrestling. 
I still love it. It's in my blood.

650
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:07,960
Feels like we never were apart. 
Felt like we just reconnected.

651
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:12,320
Nothing has changed. 
She's still my Auntie Sza-Sza.

652
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:17,400
Chris lives on in David every day. 
Nancy lives on in Sandra every day.

653
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:21,360
And I think they were both lost 
when Chris and Nancy died.

654
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:25,160
So hopefully, 
this will help them get found.

655
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:26,960
-You feel better. 
-Light.

656
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:30,920
-You have the same perspective.
-I think more than anyone else.

657
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,320
It's important for you 
to stick together.

658
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:37,880
We can be friends and supportive, 
but it's not the same as for you.

659
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,800
-No, it's not the same. It's family. 
-Exactly.

660
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,760
I've never been...

661
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,480
I've never been more grateful 
to see someone that I love

662
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:50,920
as I was when I saw my nephew.

663
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:53,480
Do you think 
you will ever be able to,

664
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,480
or want to, 
give forgiveness towards Chris?

665
00:40:56,640 --> 00:41:01,640
Yes, I think I do, some day, 
want to be able to forgive him. I do.

666
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:07,760
Because carrying around
the burden of hate...

667
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,520
gets exhausting.

668
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:12,680
Everyone deserves forgiveness.

669
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,960
And everyone deserves mercy.

670
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:19,920
So I think that, within time,

671
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:24,640
there will be a day 
when I get on my knees

672
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:28,520
and I finally say it, 
that I forgive him.

673
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,280
You never know, 
it might be tomorrow.

674
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,680
But I do know it's not today.

675
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:42,160
Subtitles translated by: 
Somishan Ragui

676
00:41:43,305 --> 00:42:43,188
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